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The Courage to Be Disliked book pdf free download

  • Book Name: The Courage To Be Disliked
  • Authors: Ichiro KishimiFumitake Koga
  • Pages: 329
  • Publish Date:  12 December 2013
  • Language: English
  • Genre: Self-help Book 

Book Summary:

The courage to be disliked and there are a lot of things that I want to discuss in the book so without wasting any more time let's get started with the review 

So have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were not able to say no to someone for something even though you wanted to and then later on you end up creeping about this entire thing because you wanted to say no but you couldn't 

Because that's the kind of person you are you just cannot say people no even though you want to and honestly, it has happened to me so many times where I wanted to say no but I couldn't because I just can't at times 

Then later on I just crib about it I complain about it because obviously, i don't feel good doing something which I didn't want to do it keeps happening with me time and again 

I just couldn't understand why it happened to me so much and so often but after reading the book I now understand why I used to do that why I used to say yes even when I wanted to say no out loud

So why is it that we say yes to people then we want to scream no on their faces, the thing is we feel like we don't want to say no to them because we don't want them to feel bad about it and you know because we are such great human beings we are so nice we are so virtuous 

We just can't see people sad that's what we say to ourselves to console ourselves about this entire fiasco but actually, that's not the case I always used to think that you know I am a kind person and I am a good person 

That's why I don't want someone else to feel bad about something that's why I say yes to people no matter what even if I don't like doing something 

So I never say no because I'm a good person but that's not really the case that's utter rubbish that's garbage that we feed ourselves because we are too afraid scared to actually face the truth 

The truth is we hate being disliked by people so obviously, when we say no to someone there are chances that they will feel bad and when they feel bad they might end up disliking you 

You cannot bear the fact that someone can dislike you you want to be liked by everyone maybe it's not a conscious thought but on a subconscious level everyone wants to be liked no one wants to be disliked by people 

Some very rare people are completely okay about being disliked and I feel like they have reached the kind of place in life that is absolutely unprecedented 

Because for me it's very difficult to face the fact that someone dislikes me I just can't handle it because I want people to like me maybe not like me but at least not dislike me you know 

So whenever I get this feeling that someone is disliking something about me or something that I did it just really ticks me off and it's something that happens with a lot of people 

So I guess it's okay so this is the entire point of the book this is the main theme of the book why this book has been written 

To make people understand that it's okay to be disliked and we in fact need to grow the courage to be disliked by people 

Because only then we will be able to live a free life that's what freedom is you are free when people dislike you and it doesn't bother you because honestly, someone somewhere will always dislike you no matter what you do 

I did realize that after reading this book and even before like obviously no matter what you do no matter how good you are to people no matter how much you have been for people someone somewhere will always end up disliking you because that's just human nature and that's just inevitable 

Now this book is written in the form of conversations between a philosopher and a youth and this philosopher believes in the philosophy of Adler 

So you will get a lot of references to Adler's philosophies and if you already follow Adler's philosophies then you would know better but I had no idea so I didn't know anything before reading this book alone 

Now the book starts with this conversation between the philosopher and the youth where the philosopher tells the youth that life in itself is simple but people make it complicated and the youth does not agree with this point 

Hence he goes ahead and are used with the philosopher and then their debate or argument or you can say the conversation continues and then they discuss different things 

There were some parts that I loved so much that I feel like it did make a huge difference in the way I think about stuff now and I feel like there were some parts that will actually affect your mindset in a very very positive way 

But I would love if you actually stick till the end and read to the entire thing because it will definitely help you even if you don't go ahead and read the book this particular part will help you a lot in understanding your nature and just human nature in general 

So there is this part where the philosopher talks about our system of punishment and reward now ever since our childhood 

The entire system is created in a wave and we do something good we are rewarded no matter how small the reward is even if it's a candy you get rewarded for doing something good or behaving in a certain way or achieving something 

But you are again punished for things that are not good in these societies I or if you don't perform well in your exams or whatsoever 

So there is this entire thing of reward and punishment so that's something with which we grow up and it does affect us in ways we can't even fathom 

Now the thing is when we were children we were rewarded for the smallest of things you talk to your guests properly so you get the candy you said something nice you recited a poem else so you get something and you are always rewarded for things 

You also get punished but you get rewarded much too often so that happens when you were a child but what happens when you grow up and you become an adult 

The rewards go down you don't get rewarded that and even if you get rewarded it's not as happy or feeling as it is compared to when you were a child 

So when you received a reward when you were a child it was much more you know a happier feeling than what you feel now as an adult 

So the reward thing is something that you crave but you don't get it as much as you would want to and even if you get it it doesn't make you as happy as you would want to feel 

Now after discussing this entire reward and punishment thing the philosopher goes ahead and talks about our need for recognition and validation from people so this entire thing where we want external validation is much-talked in today's world

Because we are all on social media we all post so much and we want to be liked by people everything is all about likes shares and you know comments 

Even comments have this feature of either being liked or disliked so everyone is looking for likes everyone is looking for recognition everyone is looking for validation 

There does this Sechrist validation they seek it externally no one is seeking validation internally and that's the issue 

Now there was a time when people believed in god and people believed that if they did something good if they performed well if they were kind to others god was seeing them god was recognizing their efforts and hence they would know get heaven or whatsoever 

So they believed in god's recognition and they were seeking validation from god as we all know god resides inside us so they were actually looking for recognition and validation internally 

So now our world is structured in a way that we are always seeking recognition and validation from other people because we have substituted god with people 

So now since god is not in the picture who will give you the recognition who will give you the validation other people will

Because other people are watching and they are the ones you seek recognition from you seek validation from so when you do something good you want other people to see it and whenever you do something good for other people to see it's not done in a good taste 

Whenever you seek something externally there are chances that you might not get it and when you don't get the recognition and validation you end up feeling destroyed you end up feeling sad and people also get depressed because they don't get enough recognition and validation from the world

 We also see so many videos on social media where people are doing charity or people are helping someone and they are also recording it and showing it to other people 

Now I don't really think that it's a crime to show people that they are doing charity I guess it's ok but there is always this need for recognition maybe you did something good for someone and no one saw it's okay 

You did your job right but no we always need that recognition now obviously after listening to all of this the youth asks the philosopher to tell him some solution to all of this how can he grow this courage to be disliked and how can he get over all of these insecurities and all of these problems 

The philosopher does help him he does give him some ways and some answers now the thing is were those solutions actually useful 

So I would say yes and no but there were some answers that the philosopher gave and they were amazing I felt like yes 

If I apply that in my real life I can actually get the advantage but there were some solutions that the philosopher gave that were too impractical or maybe they were practical but I could not understand the meaning

But yeah I felt like they were too theoretical for us to actually apply that in real life so yes that was one thing but I think 

Overall the philosopher in the book tries really hard to make us understand that life is actually very simple and most of the solutions to most problems are very simple 

But the thing is to execute those simple solutions we need to work really hard on our mindset and that will only happen eventually when we keep analyzing our feelings our thoughts and understand why we do certain things 

So there is no quick way to fix things there is no quick shortcut that you will apply and you will get the answer that's not how things work

 So basically what we have to do is whenever we do something whenever we act on something we need to sit down and understand why we did that and actually be brave enough to confront ourselves when we know that we did it and we think that we are doing it for a certain reason but actually there is something else that is making us do this 

So I hope that I made sense even I am like still thinking about the book now yes there were some things that I did not like about the book as much

 So especially the conversations between the philosopher and the youth were good all over but sometimes the conversation felt too made-up and you know like too fake and you don't want to feel like that when you are reading a conversation 

You want to feel like it's really only then you will be able to believe in it and because the youth gets really agitated over things over and over again 

So some topics are stretched beyond limits and that's why it does get boring at times when the youth keeps getting agitated and keeps arguing and yeah it also feels made up in those places 

So that was one thing that I did not like about the book but overall I feel like the book is actually very useful especially if you are a young teenager 

Also, I would like to mention that the writing style is very simple the sentences are framed in a very simple and easy way English overall is very easy for anyone to understand 

So if you are a beginner and especially if you are a beginner in the self-help genre then I feel like you will definitely enjoy this book 

But if you are someone who has read a bunch of books on self-help pre then you may find some topics that you have read in other books as well so that is possible so keep that in mind if you want to buy this book alright guys so I really hope that you all found this you valuable and helpful.

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