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Attached by Amir Levine



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Details of Attached by Amir Levine Book

  • Book Name: Attached 
  • Authors: Amir Levine
  • Pages: 304
  • Genre: Self-help book
  • Publish Date: 30 December 2010
  • Language: English

Book Review:

Attached the new science of human attachment and how it can help you find and keep loved by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller welcome back to my channel my name is Samuel and I want to make self-growth normal 

but I don't want to do it alone if you want to make self growth normal make sure to smash that like button now speaking of self growth I want to briefly express the importance of doing what you say you will do 

I know there's a giant bandaid on my cheek right now that is because I went to the mall the other day and someone threw a stiletto at my face and that pointy part at the bottom popped me in the cheek and that's definitely not actually what happened I had a cyst on my cheek and the doctor removed it yesterday this is the second one in four months 

so I'm going to an otolaryngologist called ear nose throat doctor I'm not just saying this because that way no one's like what happened to this guy's face why is he neglecting his health but more importantly because I said I was gonna do something about it in my last video two days ago 

I followed through with that because of that social pressure I put on myself if you need to be doing something if there's something you need to be doing right now I want you to pause this video and do it right now don't wait every second counts I know some of you out there are probably procrastinating 

right now I really hope the type of people who walked my videos are not procrastinators they're crazy insane action takers who like to thoroughly think a lot about what they're doing as well 

if that describes you and you are curious about the science of human attachment keep watching let's talk about this book and there's gonna be a huge kind of like warning about if you get this book what to pay attention to in the end 

I think that alone can save so much stress for people who are getting this book now 20 years of research went into this book when you buy books you are compressing decades in today's really consider that these people have been best friends since I think 7th grade it said on a mirror's Facebook profile 

they're in the same field even now and the final you wrote a book together isn't that exciting when I got this book I figured it has to be good please know by the way that relationship science is not an old thing 

I don't know how or why but it's just not and there are three attachment styles is what it's called when it comes to attachment the entire book almost like fully centers around 

these attachment styles and what is an attachment style well an attachment style is like a category everybody can fall into one of these three categories the categories differ in their view of intimacy and togetherness the views of conflict their attitudes towards their ability to communicate 

their wishes and needs and their expectations of the partner and the relationship 50% of the total population is secure 20% are anxious 25% are avoidant and a rare 5% fall into a disorganized category whatever that means 

I don't even think they talk about that at all in the rest of the book one in four people do change their attachment style within a period of four years or so Henry Ford has said that skepticism is the balance beam of civilization 

I know some of you guys are probably thinking what a crock of you can't just label someone under one of three things and say oh well that's all we don't know about relationships it doesn't seem like it makes much concrete sense but the author talks about the loopholes of the theory throughout the book 

the thing is you just can't write a book like this and did not thoroughly address that after this they explained that dependency is not really a bad thing any objections people might have to that 

I will talk about later in the review for sure they also have a quiz like a very thorough quiz one with the scoring key to help find which attachment style represents you in short the anxious style loves to be close to their romantic partners and has the capacity for great intimacy 

they do fear often that their partner is not as close as they want the secure style finds being warm and compassionate in a relationship to be natural for them they effectively communicate with their partner and basically 

if you're secure ah that sounds like the ideal type to be the avoiding style values their sense of personal freedom over the closeness of the relationship and this is like frankerz it's basically me 

I took the quiz and I want to be secure believe me I am working on it hopefully the therapist I'm linking up with will have a cancellation before our first appointment date because that date is just not soon until and beyond then I will that's what I'm bidding on 

I'll be listening to these books anyway it's obvious how passionate the authors are about the idea of educating us on the ins and outs of neediness the different ways it can present itself where it seems abundant or scarce or like a fusion of the two or it doesn't really seem to be any sort of a threat to the relationship if gone unaddressed of course and those stories they present will give you more of a vivid like visual sort of idea of what each attachment style looks like in action which I think can be really useful 

I'll talk about why later in the review it also gives you an idea of why these people do what they do and why they don't do what they don't do I think one of the most incredible things about human beings is our ability collectively and individually to identify 

just recognize patterns something on top of that is that it doesn't come to us all of us all the time but it does occur to us how important it is to do that in finance and health and spirituality and what-have-you 

but definitely in relationships if I'm not seeing those patterns it's gonna me up and I'm gonna spend my whole life romantically unsatisfied you know how many people do that isn't that scary to think about that really scares me if you know the  chapter of 

my favorite book of all time thinking roerich by Napoleon Hill you know how important it is to have a healthy relationship with not just yourself but also someone else on your way to success this book is basically like here here are the patterns lean out as simply as possible 

if you read this book all the things that you that went wrong you don't see will yell at you and they'll be like Johnny you never answered the texts about picking up Sara from day here and now I'm coming back to haunt you pretending you that he's too busy you spend more time with you and you know you're gonna pay the price Adam you been to the other way too early 

but now even gonna snitch on you because you don't value your opinion you know and well you get the point I like to look at negative reviews on audible this negative review is actually like very thorough and like worth paying attention to and I want to say where I kind of disagree 

I want to draw the line cuz you guys know how I am and how I think you should be ideally about squeezing the value like every single drop of juice that you could possibly get out of books you spend your hard-earned money on these books you deserve to get every single bit of use out of your time that you spend digesting them and applying them 

I can say from my own experience that this is a real real thing it's very bad and if you fail to notice it and let the contents of this book be like you know just the foundation of how you view relationships 

I personally have found that there is a lot more to relationships and understanding them than the stuff that's in this book like a lot lot this person or the review is a therapist and she said that saying it's okay to have needs in a relationship may give someone the reinforcement of a lack of taking ownership whatever

she doesn't mention is that it's important that these needs are met which is mentioned in the book she also says that the book puts categories of you know patterns between people as opposed to dimension and identity and that it suggests that the problem itself wins in the partner and the idea 

they're selling that you know what the anxious partner finds a secure partner then all of their problems will be solved however there is more to meeting your needs in a relationship than relying solely on the other person's attachment style and how it can benefit you and that is talked about in the book 

I'll explain why I think she seems to have sort of dismissed it and the other thing in just a second and she says it basically puts us in like this mindset that kind of only makes it worse an avoidant anxious couple can fix the patterns that happen between them but she says the book seems to suggest that these rules are traits rather than strategies that can be modified and that this discourages a focus on actually fixing the problem itself I agree with all of this 

but I also disagree with all of it to say that these things are a simplified surface level version of underlying dynamics that need to be worked on to be resolved there's something about that this book is not hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pages of simply beating around the bush 

if you will there are so so many tips and strategies on how to treat these problems however if you think this book is going to help you solve all the problems in the relationships you're in forever from my own experience in more than just relationships I wouldn't rely on one book alone that's another reason 

I listened to so many different ones the best thing I think anyone could possibly get out of this book is a sharpened ability to recognize healthy and unhealthy patterns of human behavior in relationships because 

if you don't recognize the patterns of what you or those close to you are doing to those people and those close to them there are just a lot of solvable problems that we are leaving on the table unfixed more like what's for the sake of awareness and my biggest problem with this book overall one 

I don't really honestly expect the authors to tackle this is their first book that they wrote is the fact that they use the words anxious and avoidant so so so so so many times throughout the entire book that they almost inevitably shoot us under the impression that we only just unavoidably fit under one of these categories and we identify they're sweet really scary about that word identify when it comes to eye these things cuz there is just far more bad than good in simply calling yourself words like avoiding and anxious 


I know someone could be like oh yeah what else would you call them since you're the expert and obviously I don't know but the focus that the author's put on categorization really makes a lot of people who could read this book feel I swear like there is just it's very black and white and I guess gray if you count the the third one you know a third attachment style 

I blame that more than anything from this book that that is why people think this book doesn't present anything other than the problem or externalized solutions to it and that is a very very major problem in any books self presentation I think it's a source of so many negative reviews for so many books in nonfiction 

I truly encourage anybody who's getting this book in general trying to do it to increase awareness of healthy and unhealthy patterns of behavior in human relationships I do encourage them to be just as aware on you know this is like a caution sign I'm giving you guys 

I do think the book is worth it but if you let the whole labeling categorizing thing get in the way of the sharpening as we said of your ability to recognize patterns like that it took me personal experience then the several thorough readings of negative reviews to notice that 

I just want to save you guys a lot of time and stress and energy in so much and even the book will mention that there's a whole chapter or two actually about avoiding the trap of looking at it like this or that like so many of these things are talked about but even if they are stressed to the point of like death you cannot stress them when you are using the words anxious and avoidant like hundreds of times throughout your book it's a really really really big thing to

look at potential loopholes like this one when you put books like this one together and also give in mind it is a cold attachment theory quotes most people are only as needy as their unmet needs just because you get along with anyone does not mean that you have to Direction 

one I recommend this book if you constantly have problems with relationships and you don't know why they happen or what they are 

I mean think about if your relationships with people end constantly around the same premises I know it can be very difficult in my experience at least to admit like the problem is not coming from the other person 

I think it might be coming from myself that is a really scary thing to admit to yourself but believe me when I say that the payoff of taking that ownership and committing to making your way through to the other side of it will blow your mind direction to if you like this book 

I've said in some other review that relationship books are really not like everything I know close to as much as business and the technology and the sales and stuff like that the most popular relationship book 

I think I've heard of is the five love languages by Gary Chapman attached the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love' by amir levine and rachel heller there's a link in the description if you guys want to check it out that and all the other books that 

i mentioned in this video if there are any other books that you guys want me to check out in review please let me know in the comments below also let me know if you checked out this book and you liked it.




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